Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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