the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
