hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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