I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
