Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
