pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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