Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
