there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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