obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Randomize
