i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
