I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
