Redeem this text for a blowjob
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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