cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
