return my video game
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
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The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
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Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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