When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
