I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
