Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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