dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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