i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
