I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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