Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
