He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
