If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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