is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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