Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
smell my finger.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
