I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
