my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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