Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
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So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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