I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
