Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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