After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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