did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
