Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
