My friends, they love my intelligence
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
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He passed out mid-signature
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
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You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
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