In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
