trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
