i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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