member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
