I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
