my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
