this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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