walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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