Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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