It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
