You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
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Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
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Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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