What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
