Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
