the condom got lost in my hair
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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