I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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