saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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