I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
