first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
