But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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