apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
