I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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