porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
