Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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