Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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