I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
