The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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