It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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