can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
