And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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