Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
