part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
