I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
