Swine flu. Run for my life!
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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