do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
